Hi PJ,

 

I don’t follow on Facebook – I am really sorry about your goat and that people were so critical. My uncle raised goats in Georgia and they were his second set of kids. (No pun intended).

 

Hindsight in any action is 20/20 and I have worked really hard at not berating myself for what I might or might not have done better. I try to remind myself that whatever I decided to do was the right decision at the time in light of what I knew at the time. Especially in your situation where you and your family are going through it, and the critics (I am guessing) are on the outside looking in – that sort of criticism is just not fair.

 

Your cheer at the end of your email brought tears to my eyes so I thoug ht I wou ld drop a daily dose (don’t worry I won’t email you daily) of kudos for PJ.

 

Things that I have changed in my life because of what I have heard in your casts:

I have started taking spontaneous day trips on the weekend with my family and not being too concerned that they aren’t planned (these included walking around the grounds on a Gold Coast mansion, going to the Queens zoo and attending a history day at the local art museum.). I also have a friend who introduced me to active.com – if you don’t know it, you can search for athletic events in your area including 5Ks, hikes, bird watching, etc. and she and I have committed to doing a fun run with our boys who are also friends.

 

I have started my 5 y.o. son on chores and just last night we sat together until he finished his dinner. He complained that we all got dessert and it wasn’t fair that he didn’t and we just sa t until he took 4…. More…. Bites and all the time I thought PJ does this with all of her kids over things like vegetables and fish. I can do it over pizza for Pete’s sake.

 

I emailed my son’s school’s educational director following your cast on different intelligences and thanked her profusely for, with or without realizing it, recognizing that my son has a physical intelligence – he’s constantly moving, loves crashing and has trouble sitting still through circle time even though he’s hearing every word that is said – and not punishing him but working with it

 

Every time I am headed to run an errand and my son asks me for attention (be it via a snow ball fight, a game of “knight or fight scramble” which he created and is basically an indoor snowball fight using rolled up socks or to read a book) I stop and devote those minutes to him – shopping can usually wait.

 

I realize that this is a lot about me and m y family and I’m sorry if it sounds like crowing but I hope you know your influence and the support I feel just listening to your casts.

 

Emily

 

 

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 10, 2014, at 4:48 PM, Goat Milk Stuff <soap@goatmilkstuff.com> wrote:

. . .

Emily – I can’t tell you how much I needed to read your email today. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it.

I don’t know if you follow us on facebook, but we lost one of our favorite goats this weekend. Her uterus ruptured during her labor and delivery (actually it probably happened before she started laboring) and we had to put her down.

I received a couple of nasty messages about the horrible job I did and that it was all my fault and I have been so discouraged all day today.

So thank you so much. Your email put tears in my eyes (good tears) and really cheered me up that all my hard work does make a difference!

So keep doing an amazing job with your kids. We moms all have our bad moments, but it’s how we model for our children that we’re trying to change and get better and that we’re sorry when we mess up that really matters. I absolutely love that you asked your son to write a goal for you. He will always remember that kind of transparency and humility that you are showing him. I’m so proud of you!!

PJ

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Previous Conversation Below

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Message sent from Emily at Mar 10, 2014 at 10:18 am

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Hi PJ,
I’ve been listening to your cast for a while now and really appreciating it. I tell all of my friends about it and find myself seeing patterns in my family based on what I hear in yours.

I am a mother of two (a 5 year old son and a 1 year old daughter) and work full time out of the house with a 3 hour daily round trip commute so I value every second with my kids. That’s the context of this story:

Last night we were all tired – Saturday was my daughter’s birthday and the weekend was full of activity and family and sugar, coupled with an hour less sleep from daylight savings time. So by 7:30 everyone was on edge. I was giving my daughter a bath and she was chilly and crying. My son kept coming in and out and making the room colder. I said two or three times (calmly) “Zach, I am trying to give your sister a bath and she is cranky and cold, please either come in or go out.” Well two more times and he ran right up to me, got between me and her and screamed in my face. I yelled, pushed him back from her and in the process brought down the shower curtain on all of us. I screamed,”Zachary, I asked you to please pick one! Now please go to Daddy!” Naturally I instantly felt terrible.

And suddenly, PJ was in my head and I thought, ‘Mommy, you dope, Zachary is trying to tell you that he needs your attention right now.’ So I got Zoë out of the bath, left the room, called my son and said, “come with us upstairs while I get Zoë into her pjs. Now I am able to hear your story. Tell me what happened in the game.”

Phew! Then just today was the Orange Rhino cast and I was inspired! Back in December, we had set goals and rules for my son (again based in large part on what I have learned from you) including: putting away his laundry on laundry day, sitting at the table through a whole meal, trying new foods, and less screen time. I told him that fair was fair and he could write a goal for me. He said my goal was that I would yell less. And his proposed solution was that when I felt myself starting to get upset, I would calmly say, “hey wait” (kind of like “Orange Rhino!”) and that would be a trigger for both of us to stop a beat and reassess the moment. I am now inspired to start tracking my triggers and see if I can minimize my yelling too!

Thanks, PJ, for putting your content and experiences out into the world. I for one greatly appreciate them.

Emily

Sent from my iPhone