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The Myth of the Mom Who Can Do Everything – Blog Post

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You are listening to episode one of the Busy Mom’s Survival Guide.

Welcome to the Busy Mom’s Survival Guide, where we discuss making the most of your family’s health, time and money.  Let’s face it – as moms, we all want the best for our families.  But with our hectic lifestyle, that doesn’t always happen. I’m your host, PJ Jonas, and it’s my goal to equip you with useful tools so you can truly feel like your family is reaching its full potential.

Welcome to the very first episode of the Busy Mom’s Survival Guide. I’ve been wanting to start a podcast for a long time and am very excited to actually be recording this very first episode. Today we’re going to be talking about the myth of the “Mom Who Can Do Everything”.  You know, that perfect mom who has it all together and does everything that you can’t do.  We’ll also be chatting with Indigo for a little bit and at the end of the show we will be picking the winner of our Goat Milk Stuff gift certificate.

If you don’t know much about me I’ll start by telling you that I definitely qualify as a busy mom.  I’m a wife and homeschooling mom of eight children, I also founded and run a successful and growing home business – Goat Milk Stuff – where we make goat milk soap with the milk from our own dairy goats.  So go ahead – you can add farm manager to my list of responsibilities as well.

I want to start this podcast by addressing one question that I get asked most frequently.  Well, the one question I get asked most frequently is, “Are you done having children?” But we’re not going to go into that one yet.  Other than that, the one question that I really do get asked the most is, “How do you get it all done?”

I want to go on record right now and say that I definitely do not get it all done.  Don’t get me wrong I get a lot done. I get a real lot done, but there are definitely things that I wish I could do that I don’t.  The trick of course to anything is prioritizing.  While there are some things that I wish I could do, those tend to be very low on my priority list.  So overall, even though I’d like to do them, I’m generally ok with not getting them done.

So let’s talk about the things that I personally never get to do. The first one on the list has got to be birthday cards.  I always have the best intention of sending my nieces and nephews and brothers and friends a birthday card.  They can tell you it just never happens.

Something else that I tend to not do is make up.  You read all those books and they tell you that you should dress nicely for your husband and look really pretty and don’t let yourself go.   Honestly, I just don’t have time for makeup.  If we go out I may throw on a little bit of lipstick, but that’s generally about it.

Something else that I don’t really do that I wish I did do is daily bathing of my children.  And to me that’s really funny because people always think that because we have a soap business that I must have the most clean children in the world.  Well that’s definitely wrong because most people forget the other side to our soap business.  And that is the goats.  And that tends to be very dirty!

So while we’re very good at washing our hands – daily bathing not so much.

Hair cuts are another thing that we just never get to.  I get my hair cut about once every 6 months. I have a very simple cut because of this.  The boys will just do buzz cuts and they just get their head shaved regularly.  But other than that hair cuts never really happen.

I’m trying to think of some other things that I don’t really do.  Oh – thank you notes – I am terrible at.  I never ever write  a thank you note.  Which I always feel very badly about because people are so generous and I want to say, “thank you”. And we truly are thankful and my children are thankful, but I just never quite get around to sending the thank you notes.

But I don’t let the stuff I don’t do weigh me down. I don’t let it make me feel like a bad mom.  Like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do.

Instead I focus on the things that I am able to do.  Some of those things would be maintaining and growing Goat Milk Stuff.  And that takes up a ton of my time right now.  Sometimes even more time than I want, but it’s something that’s important and the children are learning a lot. So I spend a lot of my time there.

I also spend a lot of time with exercise and healthy eating.  We try and cook very  healthy and spend time in exercise, not just myself but the children as well.  I try to make exercise a part of  our lives because if we let that go, it’s all going to just go down from there.

Caring for the children is obviously something that is  a very big priority for me.  Disciplining them, teaching them, training them – those are some things that we always do.  Their homeschooling falls into that category.

Something else that I try not to let go is date night with Jim.  We don’t usually go out, we usually put the kids to bed and just hang out in the house.  But it’s time for the two of us.  We don’t work, we just spend time together and we talk or we watch a movie or we make a special desert and don’t let the children have any of it!  And that definitely counts as a date night.  For those of you with children, you know!  Dessert with you and your hubby are very important things.

So those are some of the things that I do.  And one of the biggest things that I do, that I probably spend the most amount of my time on, is delegating.  Because I actually do very little in the scheme of things around here.  But what I do do is make sure that everything that needs to get done gets done.  And I do that by delegating.

Let’s take cleaning for example.  The day to day stuff – Fletcher is the one who cleans up the dining room, he’s the one who knows how to scrub down the table, put everything away, sweep the floor and make sure that it is presentable.  Greyden is actually the one who washes all the dishes which as you can imagine around here is very big job and something that needs to be done regularly.  So he’s the one who does that.

I then split the house up into zones, so everybody has his zone that they are responsible for cleaning.  Even Jade has the parts that she can do in the living room, which is generally a fairly easy room in our house to keep clean because mostly it just involves taking the stuff that doesn’t belong there and putting it in somebody else’s zone.  So she can do that.  And I’m going to be very honest with you, about two years ago for the very first time in my life I actually hired a cleaning person to clean my toilets and my kitchen floors.

And I never thought that that would be something that I would do. I always thought that that was a job of the mom and it was my responsibility to train the children on how to do that.  But what I found was those were the two jobs that were never getting done.  And they really needed to be.  I mean the kids can wipe down the toilets, but it just wasn’t the same and so I decided that I was going to delegate it to someone else outside of the house.  And I hired somebody to do that for me.

There were months there before I had the money to actually hire a cleaning person where the floors didn’t get mopped.  But I didn’t really stress out about it because Jade was done crawling by that time so it wasn’t like it was a health issue or anything.  And my friends know better than when they come by to visit me to judge me by the state of my floors.  Because I don’t have any friends like that.  My friends look at me for what I do.  Not what I don’t get to.  And if I had the kind of friends who judged me because my floor wasn’t mopped, I really don’t want them long term in my life anyway.

I can actually remember one time when I was pregnant, I think it was with Indigo and friends of mine came over and mopped the kitchen floor because they knew that was the one job I never got to.  So the point being – even though mopping the floor regularly is something I think regularly should be done, it wasn’t getting done and I didn’t stress out about it because it didn’t really have any long term significance.  It was something I could let go until I could get the money to actually hire a cleaning person.

Many of you do realize that this  past weekend we’ve been dealing with tornadoes.  We weren’t hit by the tornadoes. We escaped any damage, we’re all safe.  But we watched the tornadoes form that destroyed a couple of towns nearby and seeing that put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I always knew this. I always kind of practiced this – you get the important things done and you don’t worry about the rest of it.  But this really brought it home because I had to let go of a lot of things that were not important to me in order to be able to help my friends who had lost everything.  They lost their homes, lost all their possessions, one of our friends even lost her legs saving her children and it really became clear that there is definitely a hierarchy of the things that need to be done.

And so for example, eating healthy meals is very important to me, it’s something that I think we need to do for our long term health, for energy.  It’s a big part of how we get our things done.  But I’ve got to tell you, we ate fast food this weekend.  We ate McDonalds.  I just picked up little Little Caesar’s for dinner – because taking care of my friends was more important than cooking a healthy dinner.

And some of our customers really went out of their way to help.  We are starting to get packages and one of our customers – Jessica if you hear this – your package arrived.  She did a wonderful thing.  It was her 21^st birthday and instead of going out and having a party, she used that money to buy care packages for the tornado victims.  And she was so excited, she overnighted it.  And we got it and I said, “You know what, she spent the time and went through the effort to get this overnighted, I have to stop what I’m doing and we’re going to distribute these today.  I’m not going to wait. I’m not going to cook a nice dinner.  I’m going to pick up Little Caesars and I’m going to drop off these things.”

And that was ok because I don’t have to do it all.  I can do the things that are important.  And that was what was important for the day.

So I just really want to impress upon moms that bottom line, there’s no such thing as a mom who gets everything done.   There is such a thing as the mom who gets all the important things done and it’s my goal throughout these podcasts to help you realize what the important things are and to be able to let go of the unimportant things.

And what’s important is going to be different for different people because we are not all the same.  We all have different families, we all have different beliefs, we all have different things that matter to us.  So you have to figure out what it is that is important to you and concentrate on those things.  Because while no mom can do everything, there are some moms who are able to get a lot more done than the average mom.  And fortunately for my family I’m one of those moms.  And I want you to be one of those moms too.

It really is my goal in these podcasts to give some tools to help you get the necessities done quickly and efficiently so you can spend time on the important things – which is spending time with your husband and your children and helping others and making memories.  

Because those are the things at the end of the day when you’ve lost everything else, that you’re going to realize are the important things.

 

PJ: I have Indigo here with me right now and we have not practiced this.  She does not know what I’m going to ask her, so I’m hoping that she does not say anything that’s going to embarrass me.  She’s nodding her head, “yes”. Right, Indigo?

Indigo: Yep.

PJ: Can you say hi to everybody?

Indigo: Hi.

PJ: One of the first questions that mom wants to ask you is – Does mom do everything?

Indigo: Mostly.

PJ: Mostly?

Indigo: Yes

PJ: What are some things that I do?

Indigo: You tuck us in, you help us clean our room, you do the orders with us, you sometimes print the postage, you print out the invoices.

PJ:  Can you think of anything else?  Nope that’s about it?

Indigo:  Yep

PJ:  That was a good answer, can you think of anything mommy doesn’t do?

Indigo:  Actually, one other thing that she does do is box.

PJ: I box the orders too?

Indigo: Yes

PJ:  What about things I don’t do, is there anything I don’t do?

Indigo:  Not very much.

PJ:  Not very much?

Indigo:  Nope.

PJ:  Well that’s a good answer.  Is there anything you wish that I did?

Indigo:  No, not yet.

PJ:  I do everything you want me to do?

Indigo:   Well, I wanted to have more vacations.

PJ:  To spend more time on vacation?

Indigo:  Yes.

PJ:  Do you like vacation time?

Indigo:  Yes, I love it.

PJ:  What’s been your favorite vacation?

Indigo:  Topsail Island and Disney.

PJ:  Yeah, those were the fun ones.  You like the ocean don’t you?

Indigo:   Yeah!

PJ:  Tell everyone what your favorite part about the ocean is.

Indigo:  The waves – when I swim on them.

PJ:  You are a very good swimmer too, aren’t you?

Indigo:  Sometimes I and mom swim together, and I actually swim by myself.

PJ:  You like going up and down over the waves, right?

Indigo:  Uh huh, I’m like, “Whoooo!”

PJ:  What about your boogey board, do you love that?

Indigo: I love it.

PJ:  Oh yeah?

Indigo:  Uh huh, it’s dolphin.

PJ:  It does have dolphins on it doesn’t it?

Indigo:  Yes, Hewitt’s has a shark on it.

PJ:  So you can’t think of anything else you wish mom would do?

Indigo:  Nope.

PJ:   So all those things that you said I did do, remember you said tucking you in and helping you clean your room and doing all the soap stuff?

Indigo:  Yep.

PJ:  What’s the most important thing that I do?

Indigo: Tuck us in.

PJ:  Tuck you in?

Indigo:  Aand clean our room, actually and pull the orders and that stuff.

PJ:  So it’s all important?

Indigo:  Yes.

PJ:  What’s your favorite part about tucking you in?

Indigo:  Well, sometimes I love when dad sings us a song and when mom sings the good-night song.

PJ:  Yeah, mom has got a special goodnight song for you, don’t I?

Indigo:  Yep.

PJ:  Although I let Grandma sing it which was kind of me to share my goodnight song, don’t you think?

Indigo:  Yep.

PJ:  Do you like talking on the podcast with mommy?

Indigo:  Yes.

PJ:  Do you want to come back and do it again?

Indigo:  Uh huh.

PJ:  Is Hewitt jealous that you got to be on the very first podcast?

Indigo: I don’t know.

PJ: I think he was. Can you say goodbye to everybody?

Indigo: Goodbye.

PJ: Actually Indigo, before you leave, I’m going to have you help me pick the winner of the $10 Goat Milk Stuff gift certificate.  So right now we have 46 comments on my test podcast, so I’m going to ask you to pick a number between 1 and 46 and it could be 1 or 46.  It’s got to be somewhere between 1 and 46, so you go ahead and pick a number.

Indigo: 6

PJ:  Six. Ok, I should have figured you were going to pick that number since you are how old?

Indigo: 6

PJ: 6, so the sixth comment is from Joan French, so congratulations Joan, you just need to send me an email and we will get out your $10 Goat Milk Stuff certificate.  Was that easy?

Indigo: Yep.

PJ: Was that fun?

Indigo: Yes.

PJ: Did you like picking the winner?

Indigo: Yes.

PJ: You think Joan will be happy?

Indigo:  Uh huh.

PJ:  Say, “Good job, Joan.”

Indigo: Good job, Joan

PJ:  Alright now you can say goodbye to everybody.

Indigo: Goodbye.

 

Well Indigo has left and I just wanted to again say congratulations, Joan.  We’re going to pick a $10 Goat Milk Stuff gift certificate winner each and every week.  So in order to enter, all you need to do is leave a comment on this podcast blog entry.  Or you can review it on ITunes and we will pick another winner from those comments during next week on episode two.

We’re almost done with the podcast, my very first podcast, and I want to leave you with this week’s survival guide rule and that is to do the important things. That’s it, I know it sounds simple but too many moms do the urgent things and not the important things.  So this week, try to take some time to jot down a list of what the important things are to you.  Then make a list of the things that you do that are not very important.

What I want you to try and do is to pick one item from your “important things” list and do it every day this week.  If possible try and do it before you do any other things on your “not important” list.  And as time goes on I want you to try to work to increase your first list and decrease your second list.

And because I need to work on these things too, I’m going to work this week on giving Jim a hug everyday.  And not just to respond to his hugs, but to actually initiate a hug.  Because I am usually so busy racing through my day that I don’t usually stop and give Jim some undivided attention.  I’m very good at doing it for my children when they need it, but not necessarily for my husband.  And he needs it just as much as they do.  So that’s going to be my goal for this week.  And I hope you take the time to try and come up with one as well for yourself.

Thank you so much for listening to the very first episode of the Busy Mom’s Survival Guide with PJ Jonas.  I hope you have enjoyed listening and actually learned something that will help you to not just survive but to thrive in your role as a mother.  Join me on the next episode where I’ll be talking on something that all busy moms know is essential.  And that is the topic of sleep.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please take the time to leave me a comment on the blog post at www.pjjonas.com or rate this episode on ITunes, you can also call my feedback line at 240-230-SOAP.

Until next time I’m PJ Jonas and I am praying that all the busy moms out there make the most of the best job in the world – motherhood.