The answer, of course, is – “NO!”

And yet, I find that so many of us still try!  We expect to be able to do everything and get upset with ourselves when we fail.  Or worse yet, we allow ourselves to feel guilty.  We need to adjust our expectations and allow for the messes in our lives.

There simply is no such thing as a mom who gets everything done.  Quit comparing yourself to anybody that you think is doing that.  I guarantee you that you don’t see everything and that paragon you are comparing yourself to doesn’t get as much done as you give her credit for.

We all go through busy seasons when life is more hectic than normal.  For me – it’s kidding season.  When you have 40+ baby goats being born in a month, it tends to be a little overwhelming.  I give myself a break during those times, let the house fall apart, and clean it all up once kidding season is over.  

You can do that too! 

But remember, this is for short periods of time.  If you find yourself constantly overwhelmed and feeling like you can’t do it all, then it is time to take a step back and take a look at things.  Here are some of the strategies that I follow that I believe make a big difference in my life.

Focus on the things you CAN do as a Mom, not the things you CAN’T do. Take a moment and write down all of the things that you are successfully doing. All of it – even the little things such as “I tie my toddler’s shoes in double knots.”  Don’t diminish that stuff. It’s important.  We make a lot of YouTube videos and I recently watched Jade’s video.  In it she says that I tell her lots of stories.  

I can tell you right now that the last thing I usually feel like doing when I tuck the girls into bed is making up a bedtime story.  I’m usually exhausted at that point and don’t want to think about anything.  But I often (but not always) make one up.  And that means a lot to them.  If you watch the video, Jade doesn’t talk about a clean house or ironed clothes.  She talks about me taking time to tell her stories and Jim taking time to tickle her.  

If you think about it, I think you’ll find that you are doing a lot more than you give yourself credit for.  And if you’re not taking the time to do those things, maybe it’s time to start.  Just remember – don’t let the stuff you can’t do make you feel like a bad mom. 

Focus on the important things and not the urgent things.  This one is HUGE!  As moms, everybody wants something out of us.  Whether it is dinner, a ride to an event, assistance for a school organization, or simply answers to a million questions, you are probably in constant demand.  And if you’re like me, most of it comes with a deadline.  Do you know what I have found?  If I constantly spend my time responding to all of these urgent, time-sensitive demands, then the activities that I believe are truly important (but not urgent) never get accomplished.    

You have to find a way to get your focus on the important things and be willing to let the urgent stuff slide.  This may not always make you very popular with whomever feels that their urgent task needs to be important.  But being a mom isn’t always about being popular.  So for me, I make sure I get the important things done and I find a way to not worry about the rest of it (admittedly this isn’t always easy).  But you can do it!  Figure out what is important to you and concentrate on those things.

Let go of the things that aren’t going to happen and let go of the guilt.  I know! It’s so difficult to let go of the guilt.  But I have found that most of the guilt I feel is because I am not meeting someone ELSE’s expectations.  And I refuse to go through life trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.  I concern myself with God’s expectations, my husband’s expecations, and my expectations.  I inquire about the children’s expectations, my employees’ expectations, my friends’ expectations, my customers’ expectations, and my extended family’s expectations.  

And then I work to modify their expectations to meet the reality of what I can provide.  But if it doesn’t fit in with my long-term goals, values, and priorities, I don’t feel guilty about it.  OK, occasionally I still feel guilty about it, but I don’t wallow in that guilt.  I move on.  And if I can do it, so can you.  Let go of the guilt that comes from not doing everything.

Focus on your current phase of life.  Life varies dramatically based on what stage you are in.  When you’re a mother of newborns and toddlers, you need to cut yourself a lot more slack.  Recognize how much time young children require and make peace with that.  There will be time later to devote to other things, but your young children need you now.  Teenagers are another huge time commitment.  

When my children were little, the hours I devoted to them were very physical.  With teenagers, the time devoted to them is much more mental and emotional.  I need to be there for my teens (not just physically there, but mentally there) when they need me.  That takes a lot of juggling.  There are times when I had work planned for Goat Milk Stuff, but I had to put that off because my teen was in the mood to talk.  So learn to enjoy your current season of life and embrace what you are capable of accomplishing.  And know that it will soon change and most likely you will miss it when it is gone.

I just want to encourage you that you do NOT need to hold yourself to unrealistic expectations.  You do NOT need to do it all.  Trying to do it all will probably just end in you doing the things that are important to you, very poorly.  So please, take some time and figure out what truly is important and start to say, “No” to everything else.  It may take time to disentangle yourself from commitments you’ve made that you decide truly aren’t important. But you can do that.  Work yourself to the point where you are there for your family when they need you.

I am fortunate that my job is with my husband and my children.  For those of you who work outside the home, this is not always easy.  You need to be even more ruthless about the extra activities you allow into your life.  Figure out ways to get rid of some of the activities that are weighing you down.

Remember, quality time with your family is what matters… not most of the items on your to-do list.