Life is messy. Not just a little messy. Life is a lot messy. But I have found that it’s not the messes in my life that ruin my day. It is how I respond to the messes in my life that matters.
This mess happened when one of the children dropped a bowl of barbecue sauce. I could have gotten mad. I could have yelled. I could have called the child clumsy or stupid.
But I didn’t.
Instead… I laughed. And I laughed a lot. Because the barbecue sauce didn’t just land all over the floor. Most of it landed on my husband.
Unfortunately he left to clean himself up before I could get to the camera.
Cleaning up the barbecue sauce was not part of my plans for the day, but I didn’t let that bother me.
The incident happened, the mess was cleaned up, and we moved on with the rest of our day.
The reason I could move on easily (as could the child) was because my response was right.
If I had instead berated the child inappropriately, it would have drastically affected my day. I would have first been mad at the child. Then I would have yelled. Then I would have calmed down. Then I would have felt guilty. Then I would have had to apologize to the child and try to repair the damage I had done with my wrong response.
And that series of events quite possibly could have ruined my day. Because with the exception of big messes such as death or divorce it really isn’t the messes in your life that are causing the bulk of the problems. It is your response to those messes.
The barbecue sauce incident got me thinking about the messes in life and I reached a few conclusions.
Life will always be full of messes. It doesn’t matter how organized you are or how well you train your children – things will always occur that are unplanned. Recognize these messes for what they are – a part of life. Things would be a lot less messy if you were all alone and could do everything by yourself exactly the way you want. But life would be a lot less fun and meaningful. So if you can’t embrace life’s messes, at least learn to accept them and not be surprised when they occur.
The response can often be determined even before the mess. When I think about the times that I responded to life’s messes appropriately, there is a common theme: I was not stressed out when the mess occurred. I know that there are times in life when outside influences cause stress. But if we’re honest, we will probably acknowledge that most of the stress we experience is self-induced. Usually it’s because we are over-committed and didn’t have enough time to take care of what was really important. So if you find yourself regularly over-reacting, think about what steps you can take to drastically reduce your stress level. Even if you have to say, “No” to good activities, it’s often worth it.
The children are watching. There are hundreds of opportunities throughout my day to model good behavior and good responses for my children. But on the flip side, there are hundreds of opportunities throughout my day to model bad behavior and bad responses for my children. Each child is unique and will not always mimic you all the time, but showing them how to properly respond to life’s messes will always be better than simply telling them how to respond.
What are some of the messiest things that has happened in your life recently? And how did you respond?
Oh, how I loved this blog (Life is Messy). You have learned one of the most valuable lessons in life, and it keeps on going generation to generation. We all blow it sometimes, but we must pick up where we are, do what is needed to make things right (first with the Lord) with all we’ve caused harm to, and go forward.
My husband has terminal cancer, is legally blind (diabetic retinopathy), has had all the toes removed from one foot (diabetes), Stage 111 Kidney disease and vascular insufficiency (blocked arteries). Has a completely blocked artery in his neck that leads to his brain. He was suppose to have had a major stroke–NEVER HAPPENED. Was given only 2 years to live. OVER 3 NOW, and the tumor has not grown. Had 2 surgeries for metastasized tumors, but none now. Still not on kidney dialysis, and has a wound from diabetes on his foot and may not have enough oxygen to heal it so they may have to remove half his foot. I’m much better but I’m facing knee surgery and also have a bone spur with the Achilles tendon involved and will have surgery. I also have short term memory loss from Fibromyalgia.
Praise God for keeping your priorities straight. Continue laughing…I love it!
Having said all this, we have given our lives over to the Lord allowing Him to have the freedom to use us in His service wherever and whatever it may be. Tomme is amazing! We spend almost 24/7 together and rarely have disagreements (some tiffs, sure). We enjoy each other so much and we don’t have TIME for little irritations.
Love your laughter. That is what makes a difference in how we see things, too. We honestly joke about death, blindness…not being cruel to each other, but learning to not let the bad that comes to our lives stop us from enjoying what time we have left with each other. It comes only from the Lord.
Connie, you are a perfect example of responding properly, and with grace and dignity, to the inevitable messes that life can bring. God is obviously strong in your life and you are a great example of living your life with faith and honor. I admire you and will keep you and your husband in my prayers. God bless you.
Thanks, but it isn’t us. It’s Christ in us that makes the difference. Growing spiritually is certainly a life-long effort which brings such a wonderful relationship between our Lord and us. I can’t imagine life without my Jesus! Blessings to you, and thank you for your prayers. That means a lot.
Prayers from the Jonas family as well!! PJ
Praise the Lord, Connie, for your attitude and perspective. You are a shining example of the fact that not only does God not give us more than we can handle. But also the fact that we can find joy in the midst of the toughest circumstances. PJ
PJ, I have a VERY serious question. Now if it’s too hard for you to answer, then I understand. Are you ready? OK. Here goes: WHAT IS YOUR GIVEN NAME???!!!! LOL
LOL – I just re-wrote the “About Me” section of the blog. The answer is there. 🙂 PJ
https://pjjonas.com/about-pj/
Messes happen, sometimes the best things is just to laugh, clean it up and move on!
Exactly! Hard to remember in the heat of the moment sometimes, though. PJ